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Saint Mouse

photo by Arleigh

Declaration of Canonization of Saint Mouse

Hear ye, hear ye, be it hereby announced to all wretched sinners that there is one among us who is imbued with qualities of extraordinary kindness, a committer of impeccable good deeds, and holder of miraculous powers. Through this person Divine Love shines forth with blinding radiance. It is therefore the humble honor of the Council of Cardinals to bestow upon this pure being the eternal title of St. Mouse.

It may not be known that Mouse has already undergone a secret beatification. Her bright smile radiates beyond her very, very humble outer garb and brings a little bit of warmth to everyone who is in the same room with her. Yes, Mouse is truly beautiful, but because she is not one to boast about this, it was decided by the former Council of Cardinals to carry out the Beatification in secret.

But Mouse can no longer hide her true nature from us. Several members of the faithful have reported miracles and good deeds to us, which inspired us to break with custom and declare Mouse a Saint long before she nibbles on her last chunk of cheese.

Her good deeds are etched on her shoulder, which is a little slumped after offering it to the rest of us to cry on for the past twenty years. And who among us has not breathed a sigh of relief when we have seen Mouse cheerfully enter our restrooms with a toilet plunger, unhesitatingly sparing us the task she so willingly executes?

Even greater are the miracles which pour forth from her very being. Anyone who enters the sanctum sanctorum of Mouse�s office is confronted with a dizzying array of ancient religious manuscripts, all piled in seeming complete disorder. And yet, if you were to ask her, may I have the rare thirteenth century tract on envelope stuffing, she is always able to produce it in an instant.

And like St. Francis, Mouse loves all animals. Two kittens are alive today because of Mouse's miraculous healing powers. Even greater is The Miracle of the Weighing of the Kittens, a task equal in impossibility to getting a meteor shower to stand still in the sky.

Mouse, you are an inspiration to all of us. You bring out the best in us and see what is best in each of us. It is with utmost gratitude and humility that, on behalf of everyone here at KGNU, I kiss your feet and proclaim that from this day forward you will always be known to us as Saint Mouse.



Created:11/16/06, Modified:11/16/06, expires:12/31/06, priority:9